Downward Spiral
| If you have time, please send me email critiquing
this story? I really labored hard on this one -- for a couple
of months actually... I need to know which parts work and which ones
are just clumsy or boring. I'll probably keep fiddling with it for
a while. Thanks!!!
And thanks to Trid for making the cool cobweb background. I was looking all over for one!!! ennui |
Dedicated to Britt (tolja I'd finish it!!) You treated me like dirt, and then you left me, and my heart was dead inside. So I changed. Everything about me changed -- everything, except how much I love you. My love is still there, John, oh yes. It always will be. It's just different... like me.
I asked myself, why can't I ever be as much in love with somebody else as they are with me? Why is it that one of us is always less in love than the other person is? It creates such chaos. The one who loves the most suffers, agonizes, obsesses. And the one who loves the least feels irritated with their lover, and plays with them like cruel children with ants out of their boredom and curiosity. Why can't lovers respect each other? Can somebody be madly in love as I was and still maintain her dignity as a human being? Or must we be stripped as bare as when we were babes from the womb? That is how you made me feel, John. Naked and innocent and oh so afraid. And you John, my doctor, my deliverer -- you slapped my behind and said, Fuck you, bitch. Welcome to the real world! A world that sucks more than you ever dreamt in your starry-eyed delirium.
You came into my life when my heart was ripe again for love. Like a big ripe wet peach, ready to fall from the branch and be bruised and mashed on the stones below, I dropped into your hands and I loved it. You had those relaxed and cool blue eyes that made me feel naked, that blond hair, that smirk that was so confident and so unnerving. Every time we went out, I would stare at you like I was listening, my eyes locked on your lips. Did you think I was listening? Not really. They were moving targets for my eyes. I wanted to reach out and bite and suck on them, they were so delicious looking!
I wanted you badly, John. So I lied to myself about how I was being the slick one, that I could make you fall in love with me. I was powerful in my mind. I told myself all the same timeless lies that women in love tell themselves.
Can you remember when I suggested you move in? I was so nervous and hyper. And then you played your little mind games, as if I asked you to do something that you didn't want. I felt like a slut just for offering it to you. It made me furious when you balked at my offer. I hadn't ever asked anybody to move in with me before. You didn't even have a job! I knew you wanted to. I turned my back on you to sulk. But then your attitude completely changed, one hundred eighty degrees, and you hugged me and convinced me that yes, you did want to move in with me. And then you told me that you loved me.
You loved me!
That night, as I lay there in your arms, our legs and arms wrapped in an inseparable and moist knot of flesh, we spoke words of love. I felt the shattering of the defenses I had placed around my heart. You gathered those same pieces gently and cradled them, as gently as you cradled my face in your hands when you kissed me, and told me once again, I love you, Paula. Your blue eyes penetrated deep into my soul. I love you, Paula. And when you put your hands on my knees and pulled gently, I spread them wide for you like the wings of an angel learning to fly.
Those awesome lips of yours...
Between your gentle laps, you told me I tasted just like ice cream. I giggled and squirmed beneath you. I asked, what flavor am I?
Sex flavored ice cream.
God, that made me shiver! I thought, that is exactly what I am now! My pussy felt like it was an ice cream cone on a hot summer's day, and you were a little boy, licking the soft vanilla inside me, your tongue relentless and greedy. My whole body melted into your mouth. I clutched the pillow and bit it, wanting your kisses, and I moaned and squeezed your head as I came on your agile tongue, your sharp chin, and your soft lips, your slippery lips, lips that I could stare at forever. You left me out of breath, feeling all soft and gooey and wet and sticky.
You tried to fuck me while I was still recovering and feeling devastated. I snuggled against you and whined and told you that it was too soon, and I meant it. But your penis moved against my hips, hard and unrelieved and throbbing. I felt guilty but excited. I wanted to give back to you the joy you gave me, but still, I begged you, please John, let's just wait a little while?
You groaned and told me in your silkiest voice, but Paula, I need you so bad! I need you now. You ground your hips against me in that irresistible way and kissed me, covering my body with persistent little love kisses. I moaned and rubbed the soles of my feet up and down the back of your naked legs. You know how to get to me! I love those desperate sounds you make when you're horny, John. Every time I said no, please, not yet, you moved as if you were writing your name on my abdomen with the wet tip of your penis, your cum like ink on my skin. Again, I mumbled no, not yet, but you smiled at me in the dark.
But Paula, you said, with those eyes that could know no evil. I love you!
I licked your face, sticky and sweet with sex flavored ice cream. How could I ever resist you? I opened wide for your probing penis and whispered yes, John.
We had fucked before John -- that part wasn't new -- but never with words of love. Do you realize yet what that means to somebody like me? It changes things, it really does. You fucked me, as I fought not to weep, and I whimpered, I love you too! I love you!
I can say this to him now, I thought, because he told me first! I'm not the one who will suffer for it this time. He loves me! My body was open to you as was my heart, and you plunged inside of me, voracious with desire, and I gave it all to you, wide-eyed and naked like a newborn. As your body tensed and trembled and you filled me with your hot seed, as your breath caught, I felt so full. I needed no walls around my fragile and lonely heart. You would be my wall, strong and hard and I would lean on you as if you were granite and I a soft creeping vine.
What bullshit!
What do people mean when they say I love you? Can two people ever mean the same thing? How could any dictionary ever define what is inside the hearts of individual people, each unique? Some people probably never feel the same kind of love that I felt for you. What did you feel, John? What do other people feel when they say I love you?
I was a vine and you John, you were my wall, and you loved it at first, that tight clinging. But why didn't I see it when, as time passed, your expression first changed from admiration to curiosity, and eventually, from curiosity to disrespect and casual cruelty?
I think now that it must be an inevitable transformation when somebody loves another as passionately as I loved you. I guess love changes people. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes for the worse.
I followed you both in my car, and I watched as you walked her to her doorstep, holding her hands as you had held mine, both of you laughing at some joke that you probably told me before. You're so charming, John. I burned with anger but I couldn't take my eyes off of your hands and everywhere they moved as you touched her.
I asked myself, will he touch me like that when he comes home? Will he kiss me like that? When he unzips his pants, will he have her scent on his penis? It made me furious and excited. When I take him in my mouth, will it be her that I taste? When I wrap my legs tightly around him in bed, will he be too tired to give me what I crave more than she because he gave it all to her already?
Yes, I thought to myself after you went into her apartment, he's even stripping her clothes off now. He's in there, touching her naked breasts! My own nipples ached at the thought. Do her nipples become more erect than mine when he touches them? I bit my tongue. The image formed in my mind of your mouth closing over those nipples that weren't mine. I heard the sounds she would make. I felt your very lips and tongue.
And I burned! My body burned and I know it must have been bright red from the top of my head to the tips of my toes just then.
And I raged! I raged and I bit my lips till they nearly bled as I wiped the black mascara-streaked tears from my face.
Now she's naked on her back, and he's on top of her! I just knew it! As I craned my neck and stared at her window, all I really saw was the lights dim. It made me jittery with anxiety. I tasted your kisses as she kissed you deeply. I felt the heat of your breath on my face, as she must have felt it on hers while you entered her body. Did she cry out just now for you?
What does her body give you that mine can't? Am I really so damned wretched??????
I went home alone and so terribly hollow inside. After I showered, I looked in the mirror at my face, still red and angry, still wet with bitter tears and full of that trapped sense of despair. I knew I couldn't let you see me like that! I showered again. And again.
I threw up.
Did you notice anything different when you came home? I practically ran into your arms as you came in, and you laughed at me as if I was a foolish child. The kiss I gave you was innocent and loving; I secretly tried to taste her on your lips.
Yawn, stretch. How about some coffee? Okay! I rushed to make coffee for you. Is this your first cup? I wondered silently as you sipped it with a smug grin. Did she make coffee for you, too? Or did you make it for her, the way you used to make it for me, when my body was still sex flavored ice cream.
I guess I'm not the flavor of the week anymore.
But, and this is what I thought as I watched you sip your coffee so royally in your chair, maybe in this one respect, I am still the special one, because I am the one who makes your coffee. She doesn't love you! It was obvious in her face before you took her in your arms and kissed her the way I crave to be kissed. I picked up your clothes and your mess; I cleaned the ashtrays full of my cigarettes that you smoked while I worked all day
That same night of betrayal, I lay curled in your arms like a child. Was it guilt that made you grip me tightly like that, so tightly I could barely breathe? I didn't need to breathe as long as I still had you. As I lay tightly curled there, unable to sleep, I sniffed your skin and smelled her scent on you. Anxiously, I furrowed my brows in the dark.
We were defiled.
How many lies can you tell yourself before you cross the line into full delusional insanity, or metamorphose into a new state totally transcending the ugliness of reality? Love is blind. Love makes you lie to yourself. And the lie I told myself now was that yes, he cheats on me with other women, but I'm the one he really loves. He told me that. You see, men are worthless as far as fidelity goes, all of them. They're weak that way. The cool ones cheat on you and the faithful ones are either already taken or they were never really worth having. Men have that penis thing going on, and the penises think for them, and they make them hurt the ones they love because of some stupid mechanical process that they don't understand or care about, like dumb happy animals.
But I looked at the way you smiled in your sleep. I ran my finger across your beautiful lips as you snored, wondering, do you smile because you still have me, or because you fucked somebody new? My heart was in shreds and I tried to rationalize my way out of it.
I must keep him, I thought. I shall keep him! She can try to steal him from me, but it will never work. He will come home to me every night and I will be content with that, because he is mine. And the word Mine resounded in my head, over and over, like a church bell going Ding Dong! Ding Dong! Mine Mine! Mine Mine! He really is mine, and always will be, because his name is written in my heart, the same beating heart that he crushes with just that quirky little smile in his sleep. I nestled my head on your chest anxiously and thought, this is my chest. And the heart beating inside, this heart I love, belongs to me.
I guess you could say I was feeling a little possessive!
How long did you just tolerate me? You had to know I was jealous of something, but you played the same game that I did. We were happy together as long as we pretended we weren't unhappy.
I thought I had given you everything already but I had to try harder. I was desperate to please you, John. I tried to seduce you every night, licking you, sucking you, fucking you, dressing like the low class slut that I thought you wanted me to be. You sensed the change and you liked it, didn't you? Tell me what you want, John! I asked you, late at night when we lay in bed together, as I clutched you and searched your eyes for some sign. You were uncomfortable at first, but I wheedled you to tell me your most secret fantasies, the ones that you had told nobody else. Yes, I'll do that with you, I told you. Yes, that too. Why didn't you ever tell me you liked that? I thought your little secret desires and fetishes were cute.
But it was like peeling the layers off of an onion. Once I got you started, you really let go. What I found out about you really shocked me.. You are nasty, John! I never would have thought that when I met you. You really got into our new games. You could be as rough as you liked now, fucking me hard from behind, pulling my hair and whispering new and filthier things that you wanted to do. Yes, I would say. And every time I said yes, you would fuck me harder and ask for something even nastier. And when I said no, it just made you hornier. You kept on at me, until I whimpered, yes, that too. You loved making me yield.
So did I. Isn't that the strangest part?
She'll never do that, with you, I thought. I dreamed at work all day of the obscene things you asked for, and I was ready to do them all when I got home.
And then I would come home and you weren't there.
We played our charade for weeks. My anxiety grew and grew, as the distance grew between us like a secret glacier. And then came the night that the charade broke down.
I waited until you were in the bathroom, and then I picked up the phone and pressed redial. There was a pause, then a ring, and I heard a female voice.
Hello?
I said nothing, fuming, amazed that you had used my phone to call her!
Hello, John? Is that you? I missed you.
I slammed down the receiver and went to the bathroom door, yelling and pounding on it until you finally came out, your face covered with shaving cream, looking all innocent and shocked.
I finally told you I knew all about you and your whore, that I'd even seen you together! I ranted and you ranted back, then I ranted some more, rant, rant, rant. And you exploded. You said you couldn't believe that I would actually follow you around! While you told me all about your right to privacy I wiped your shaving cream full of bristles off the sink.
I can't take this no more. You don't own me!
Can't take what? You're the one betraying me!
Totally out of control, I followed you into the kitchen, screaming and pounding on your turned back. I struck you as hard as I could, my arms swinging like a windmill, my legs kicking you. You thought you could ignore me that way so I seized your rock collection and threw it at you. You turned and grabbed my hands tightly, not a sorry look in your eyes, and yelled at me to stop it.
But I couldn't stop, John! I couldn't stop hitting you. I couldn't stop sobbing. I couldn't stop telling you how I hated you and how I'd never let you go. Struggling in your arms, I kicked your legs. You pushed me down to the floor and covered my body with yours, holding my arms way over my head, yelling at me to chill. I wanted to bite you so bad!
And then you smirked, lowered your lips to mine and kissed me. And I died a new type of death.
It was like something really snapped in both of us. I kissed you back, greedy for your kisses, sobbing while I hit you. Did you lose it too? You must have, John, because you swung back at me, your hand slapping me hard across my face as you pulled my skirt up and yanked my panties down, ripping them to shreds. I snarled! I tried to hit you back but I was helpless beneath you as you slapped me again and again, making my face red and puffy. Tears and spittle and makeup smeared my face and made your hand wet.
I heard the zip of your pants, and I knew you had your penis out. You probed between my legs. You're raping me! I thought. But I didn't care because I wanted you to fill me again! I wanted it even as we tried to tear each other apart.
Oh, there was nothing loving about that fuck at all, John. It was sheer cruelty! You pounded your penis into me as if it was a hard and harsh weapon. While you fucked me senseless I bit you and tore at your clothes and called you such filthy names. But my curses were all soft enough to keep the neighbors from hearing...
... because I wanted to be there under you.
Go on, then! Fuck me hard! I thought as I glared at you and gritted my teeth. Make it hurt! My face stung everywhere you struck me. My hips spasmed beneath you with each thrust. Fuck me all the way into my heart, John! You've killed me more than once. Let me die this way, because I'll never want to live again after this.
Hysterical, anguished and ecstatic, I bit your shoulder hard through your shirt to keep myself from screaming out loud. You bled for me and I loved the taste of it.
I can't ever let you leave me! Ever! Your heart belongs to me!
But you left me that very same day. I gathered my torn and soiled clothes around me and sat silently on the sofa, my eyes downcast, as you gathered your things and made phone calls. You were so businesslike, now. Hello, Sally? Paula's gone off the deep end. I know, I know. I'm getting my stuff together. I gotta get out of here.
You paced and mumbled anxiously, something about how I drove you to this, how I was the mental case. I think you were worried that you had gone too far? Were you? You asked me so politely if I wanted anything, I couldn't answer right away. I could only sit and think to myself, you're leaking out of me, John. There's going to be nothing left of you inside of me.
I moped, dazed and useless until I heard your truck start outside. I rushed to the window, pressing my bruised, tear-stained cheeks and wet snotty nose to the glass and watched you drive away from me. And I saw her there in the seat next to you.
I turned my back and I screamed the shrillest and loudest and most inhuman noise ever uttered! Did you hear it? It must have been loud enough to hear for miles.
And I felt myself change.
Did I change for the better or for the worse? Both, I think. There was nothing left for me in this human form. It was weak! You had used it up. I had let myself be hurt, as deep in my treacherous heart I had known from the beginning that I would be. God, I was such a masochist! I had given you my heart knowing deep down that you would love squeezing all the life out of it. Oh, I know you felt guilty, but how could you possibly resist? There was no way you could respect me. I was that fucked up neurotic chick that needed your cock so bad you had to leave me, begging for you on my knees. I had to change. I had to be ready for you when you did come back, as surely you would, because after all, I am the only one who really, really loves you.
She's just a whore.
I am your eternal lover.
So there was just no point in remaining human anymore, was there? I don't think I could have if I had wanted to. When Jesus died, he rose from the grave, and was transfigured. So was I. You killed that human being inside of me when you crushed my fragile heart. I felt totally dead inside, but still, something was rising inside the empty shell, the broken bones, the dust and mottled decaying flesh that used to be Paula. Something new. I might retain the appearance of a human being for a while, as it suited my purposes, but inside, I could feel awesome transformations taking place as my organs reorganized.
As I lay in bed, alone that night, I felt my insides churn restlessly under my skin, like kittens wrestling under a blanket. I smiled grimly and hugged myself tight.
I finally went back to work and everybody was nice to me. They said, oh Paula, you look so much better! Did you finally get rid of that asshole? I knew they were all really thinking, did he finally dump you and are you over him? I smiled my coolest little smile and I said, oh, we're having our little differences right now. He has to mature some.
It was the truth! How could I say that it was over between us? I was waiting for you. I knew they thought I was a ditz. I could feel their eyes on my back, full of pity.
But somehow, I found a new faith in myself.
Just typing at my desk, I could feel my arms begin to hurt as they developed new joints and flexibility. So did my heart. I had to take a break. I thought I could feel new chambers growing. My circulatory system was changing. I had to put on my sweater. I knew I was becoming something cold-blooded.
I looked around the office. Can they tell my new secret? That I'm no longer one of them? But I looked exactly the same. How could they know? Perhaps by the smug expression that flitted across my face?
At home, I reorganized the bedroom. It was just too bright and airy. I wasn't a bright and airy person anymore. I boarded up the windows. I needed more room, so I broke down the wall that separated the bedroom from the den, using only the boundless strength of my brand new arms. I wasn't sure about the bed at first, but then I decided, it had to go, too. I had lots and lots of redecorating to do.
I rested on my haunches in the dark that night. And I changed even more.
So many weeks passed!
Was I surprised when you called me? No, not at all! I scuttled to the phone as quickly as I could, because I knew it must be you. I can tell from the special way you make the phone ring. Despite that, I remained perfectly calm and relaxed as I picked it up. I almost laughed to myself at how different I had become.
You said hi and everything. Then you told me that you'd heard I was doing well. I said of course I am, John! I've moved on. I covered the phone and giggled out loud. Then I said, but I think about you sometimes, I have to admit it. I want to remember only the good times, not the bad. I covered the phone and laughed some more. I hope you're doing well. I am! I'm a changed woman! I've changed for the better.
You told me that you were really glad about that. That you thought that I had become too dependent on you at the end there and that you left me for both our sakes. I covered the phone and absolutely rocked with laughter! I hope you didn't hear it! Really, I was in tears. Both our sakes... Yeah, right! I told you, I know John. Jealousy does such strange things to people!
And then I controlled my voice and I asked you the question I really wanted to ask. So how are things with your new girlfriend? Sally, isn't that her name? Molly told me she's quite beautiful.
You told me that she was doing okay. That you and she had broken up already and that you had moved back in with your mom and dad temporarily. I nodded my head as if you could see me. Well, John, did she hurt you? I was so concerned that you might be the one hurt! My voice just dripped with sympathy the way the fangs of a snake drip venom. You really must have needed a sympathetic voice just then because you broke down and started to tell me all about it.
I was such a good listener! I actually did care. I didn't want anybody else to hurt you. Only me. Because you belong to me and I'll never let you forget it till the day you die.
John, are you ok? Your voice sounded tense, as if you were on the verge of tears, and I wanted you to cry. Come on over, John. I'll make you coffee. I smiled at the thought. Oh yes, I'll give him coffee and so much more. I wanted to lick the tears off your face and taste them. They would nurture me in ways that you could not imagine.
You were reluctant, but I was calm and strong, and you weren't used to that. You needed my strength. Come over, John! I avoided using the Love word but I let you know that I was ready to make you feel better.
When I hung up, I felt so stoked I actually squealed and stamped my feet! I did the Snoopy-dance and then I rushed to make myself ready, clothes flying everywhere. I tried to make myself whorish but conservative at the same time. I thought about wearing the fishnets you rave about, but I thought no, I want to be just slightly more classy. Tonight I will be both your Madonna and your whore. I knew what you liked. I chose sheer black thigh highs and a lacy sheer black bra and panties, and over it a seductive short black sheathe. A ruby dangled in the cleavage of my white perfumed bosom.
Knock-knock...
He's here!
When I answered the door, my breath caught despite all my preparations at coolness. You grinned sheepishly, holding a bottle of wine. Those same eyes, blue but sad, hopeful but somber. That same full lower lip. I almost broke into tears at the sight of you after so long.
Why did you stare at me so? Was it because I had dressed too seductively? Or maybe you stared because you could see the changes taking place inside of me? I could feel the new muscles and joints crackling and flexing under my skin with their own hidden agenda, and I tried to control them lest they frighten you.
Come in, John!
You came in, waving your arms around a bit, not making eye contact, unsure of whether you should kiss me or not. I trembled, anxious to grab you and kiss you but I restrained myself. I was here only to provide comfort and lick your wounds.
I offered you coffee and curled up in the chair, my legs under me, opposite the sofa where you sat and where I had leaked you only weeks before. Did you see the stain on the cushion before you sat down? I knew it was there. I never cleaned it. While you were gone I had licked the cushions at night because I was so hungry for your love.
You uncorked the bottle and poured the wine into the glasses I laid out, offering me one. It was really good wine! I extended my new and very long tongue and licked the inside of the glass clean, tasting it with brand new taste buds. I saw your puzzled expression and tried hard not to giggle.
Something about you has definitely changed!
I laughed aloud and curled my legs beneath me like a pretzel. I said, I guess that's true, in a way.
What is it? A new dress?
No, I'm just a more confident person than I used to be, John. That was true. I've worked on my self-esteem. But John! Tell me what happened with Sally! I'm really concerned. You sounded so upset on the phone!
You weren't as ready to talk as you had been on the phone, but I kept a straight, sympathetic face and encouraged you until I could tell you were ready to break. I squirmed as I saw the emotion and the vulnerability in your face.
Were you ever that vulnerable with me? Not before then, no, you weren't. I was angry as I thought about that. I mean, here you come crawling back to me (And, oh yes, that is exactly what you did, groveling on your knees) and you break down in front of me over some skank who never loved you the way I did.
I moved to the sofa and curled up next to you, fondling the buttons of your shirt, and I told you, John, I know it must hurt to have somebody dump you like that. You must not have heard the sarcasm in my voice, because you started to cry, and I loved that, oh how I loved that! I felt something like an orgasm course through my many-jointed limbs. I licked my lips and pressed my head to your shoulder. You buried your face in the comfort of my cold-blooded bosom as I stroked your hair and whispered how sorry I was for you, how it was so good that you finally came back, and so softly that you might never have heard it, you're mine again John. You always were and always will be.
You looked sad and serious, but your desire was rising, wasn't it? I could sense it. I knew I had you where I wanted you.
But I didn't kiss you. No. I waited for you to kiss me. I merely stroked your hair and soothed your frazzled nerves like a Madonna in black. Kiss me, I thought, but I didn't say it out loud. I waited and wished. My nose rubbed against your cheek and looked up into your eyes. I willed you to kiss me, and you did! You reached out to me and gently pulled my lips to yours.
How did it all make me feel? I had your lips on mine again for the first time in weeks! I started to feel that same stirring in my heart, the same one that had led to it's being shattered only weeks before, but it didn't happen this time. You see, you crushed the soft flesh of that heart and left behind a new and more leathery one. My heart pulsed with new power and I felt invigorated throughout my body.
Cry all you want, John, I cooed to you softly between sweet, tender kisses on your cheeks and ears and chin. I'm here for you, and only you, I said, and I meant every word. My gentle fingers unbuttoned your shirt and crept beneath the cloth to rub slow circles on your chest where your heart beats. As I cradled your head, your tears dripped down your face, onto my cold white bosom. The slow trickle of their wetness made my nipples tingle and harden.
John, I told you, seriously, she never loved you the way I did. The way I still do.
You looked up at me when I said that. Your face crinkled and your voice totally broke into little tiny pieces, and you choked out, Oh Paula. I know that I blew it. I blew it bad! You sobbed and your mouth arched in ovals of pain as your body wracked with sobs. Is there any way... and you sobbed some more. I stroked your hair and ran my fingers across your chest. Is there any way that we could start over? I still love you, Paula.
I whispered, Oh, I know, dearest.
But Paula, I never stopped loving you! I never stopped thinking about you. You were the one who really loved me, and I left you... and... I blew it! Just like I've blown every good thing I've ever had in my life. Honk, honk. Boo hoo!
You said it like you might actually have meant it! Did you? Never mind. You know... I don't really care, because it was close enough. I thought, maybe this isn't just a lame excuse so he can crawl back into my bed. I did want to forgive you, John! It's just that even forgiveness has consequences. In my excitement, my fingers dug into the tanned skin of your chest. I had you where I wanted you at that moment. How does it feel, knowing that somebody else has such awesome power over you? Could you feel my fingers aching to wrap themselves around your heart? I knew they could actually do that if I wanted. They could extend, bony and razor-sharp, and reach right through your paper thin flesh and fragile ribcage with the strength of all these new muscles and do just that. But I liked you like this. It hurt me to see you suffer but at the same time it made me want to giggle.
Nose to nose, I told you solemnly, John, I love you too! I don't need you back in my life but I'm willing to try, because you need me as much as I need you.
You looked so pitiful! I just had to kiss you! I glued my lips to yours, loving the feel and taste of that luscious candy lower lip of yours. I pressed tightly against you and licked the tears from your face. They were so intoxicating!
You were in a frantic state of excitement, as was I. We both became tangled in your sleeves as you tried to tear your shirt off, looking silly and awkward with it half on, half off. I felt so hungry when I saw the bare skin of your chest! I felt so excited when I saw the bite mark I left on your shoulder. I nuzzled my face into you, sucking on your smooth tan skin, tasting your sweat, smelling you once again, gasping because I had missed it so! The pawing of your clumsy, greedy hands on my boobs became more frantic. You slipped the straps of my dress off of my shoulders, freeing my breasts from their cups, and devoured them with those luscious lips of yours.
But you stopped abruptly when your eye was caught by the gemstone dangling between my breasts.
My, it's very beautiful, you said, complimenting me. I've never seen you wear that before. It's a ruby, right? What is it supposed to be? Is that an hourglass?
We both held it up and looked at it, sparkling and blood red, and I said, of course it is, John. I traced it across your nose and lips. It's symbolic of all the time we have together.
It has some kind of shadow inside of it.
Yes, John, I know. All real rubies have some kind of flaw. That's what makes them interesting.
You pulled it out of the way and made love to my nipples, as you pressed the palm of my hand into your crotch. I rubbed it slowly back and forth, feeling the hardness of your erect penis through your pants.
Were you thinking of sex even before you came over, maybe even before you called? Even the cheapest whore has her uses at times. Oh well, it doesn't matter. Sigh. I guess I was, too!
Your face wrinkled into a curious expression and you asked me a question.
Paula... you laughed cautiously... have you had a bath lately?
I rocked with laughter! You looked so puzzled it started me laughing again. I looked you in the eyes and I said no, John! I unzipped your pants and pulled out your penis, as you sat there passively. I rubbed you slowly and gently under the head with just one finger. Your eyes looked puffy and glazed and your face turned red. No, John, I told you, I haven't had a bath since you walked out on me that day, weeks ago. You see, I don't need those anymore. What you smell are my pheromones. They are powerful, aren't they? You smelled them miles away and they called you back to me, and I'm so glad.
You looked confused, and you tried to say something in response, but your voice trailed off as my hand wrapped around your penis and stroked it, lightly tracing the head and shaft with my long red fingernails. Your eyelids drooped and your knees trembled. I nuzzled my face to yours, smelling your sweet breath while my hand pulled you in that persistent tugging motion.
Our faces pressed together in another delicious kiss. It was so intense that it was difficult to break and turn away from you. I gasped for air. Your arms crept around and squeezed me from behind, rubbing my tummy through my dress, groping for my breasts and nipples that I kept just out of reach. Everything was going a little too fast.
I coughed and asked you, wouldn't you like more wine, John? You buried your head in my hair and murmured something I couldn't hear. Your breath felt so hot on my neck! It made me giggle. I removed your hands and went to get the bottle, hearing your little moan of disappointment.
Was I a tease, John? Well, what did you expect, anyway? But I could still tell you liked it, from the desperate look in your eye. I wanted to see the drool running down your chin. No, I wasn't going to just tease you, John. I only wanted to have a little fun, first! First you get the sizzle. Then I get the steak.
Your eyes burned through me as I went to the counter and slowly reached across for the wine bottle. I felt so dirty when my skirt rode up above the cheeks of my butt, knowing that you could see the smooth white skin above my stockings. Drool, John. Drool!
You came up behind me, and I smiled secretly, pretending not to notice. Your body crushed me hard against the counter. I let out a mock gasp of surprise. Your hands wrapped around me again, grasping my boobs tightly, no trace of subtlety anymore. Your breathing sounded so ragged and hoarse.
John... I murmured.
Quiet, you mumbled gruffly.
Okay, so I was quiet!
You briskly yanked my tight skirt as high as it would go and reached under, grabbing my taut ass cheeks and kneading them. I moaned. My flexible new joints relaxed and my body curved limply against you in an impossible shape, as if I was a piece of clay. Your penis, hard and jutting through the zipper of your slacks, pressing against my naked cheeks.
Do you want to fuck me, John? I asked you sweetly. I asked it like such an innocent question, as if I was asking you if you wanted more wine. You nibbled my ears the way you know I like and you moaned something, but it wasn't clear. So I asked again, Do you want to fuck me tonight, John?
Yes, you barked in that gruff and desperate way that I wanted to hear. It made the extra nerve endings in my skin tingle!!! There was a cold slithery feeling as you pulled the zipper on my dress and tried clumsily to yank it over my head. I turned and laughed, pushing you away. I pulled my dress down and wiggled out of it for you.
You liked the way I looked, didn't you? Which one of us had the greater hunger in their eyes? You started to struggle with your shirt again but I didn't let you. I cuddled up to you tightly and nibbled on your chin, pulling your shirt off your back without a break. You reached for your belt but I was there first, too, pulling it open, giggling as your pants slid down your legs. I kneeled and pulled your shorts down the rest of the way. I touched your erect cock, the same one that you raped me with on the kitchen floor weeks before. I wrapped my long, soft, and very powerful fingers around it.
You looked so smoky!!! I stroked you gently. I knew I could make you blow in a second. You were so close.
So I stopped. I didn't want to waste it!
You told me, Come on Paula. Let's fuck. Just like we used to, baby? I'm so horny for you! You pulled me by the arm towards the bedroom. Come on Paula. I missed you, so much!
I whispered that I missed you too, more than you ever could imagine. But I didn't want to go into the bedroom yet, and resisted.
John, there are some things you should know. I've made some modifications to our room. You might be surprised. I really hope you like it! I did it just for you because I knew you would come back.
Your hands dug into my panties and you felt how incredibly hot and moist I was. And then you smiled and I saw a look I remembered and feared. That look of, oh my, I know I can use this bitch any way I want and she'll love it because she's such a slut and my superhuman cock is so precious to her and every other woman on earth. You slid your fingers inside of me and I let out a deep and hopeless moan. I clutched your arms and felt weak, squeezing my legs and moving my hips as you dug at my soft center.
Part of the old me was still there, both cringing and excited. We must control this, the new me said. That old part was weak and it died and it deserved to die. He didn't love the weak me! He wouldn't have a choice with the new me.
You pulled your fingers out and rubbed their wetness on my cheek as if to prove to me that you could still turn me on. You told me, come on. I know you want it, too. And I did. Come on, no more teasing. You got me all horny.
Before I opened the door to the bedroom, I told you, Please, John, close your eyes? I just want to see your reaction.
You smiled and closed them, standing there with your penis jutting out, red, weeping, just like my eyes when we parted. I couldn't help but reach out my finger and scoop up the shiny drop on the tip, and I tasted it. So exciting, so tasty!
John, I've made a special love nest, I told you, just for the two of us, because I knew even when you left me, that you'd be back. You started to open your eyes to say something, but I told you again, Please? Just close your eyes. I wanted so much for it to be special?
You laughed nervously. I laughed too. I laughed as I wrapped my hand around your rigid cock and led you into my dark lair.
What's that smell? you asked. You sniffed the air. It probably did smell a little strange. I'd ceased trying to live like a human for the last couple of weeks, so it must have had a very inhuman animal scent.
You opened your eyes and said, Paula? I can't see anything. Why don't you turn on a light?
I don't need light bulbs, I giggled at you. I can see in the dark, now. Come on, John, let me show you. I pulled you toward the large spiral shape in the center of my room that I designed and labored over so long and hard, weaving just for you.
I really can't see anything, you said.
It's ok, your eyes will adjust. You sniffed the air, becoming concerned.
Maybe we should light some candles? you suggested.
John, that would be so romantic. I'd love to fuck you by candle light. I pulled you closer.
You smirked at me as if you liked that idea. But then you wrinkled your nose. Really though, you asked me. How long has it been since you had a bath?
I kissed, nibbling on that lip of yours, and pressed you into the silky webbing as I told you, John, I want you to smell the new me. But keep your eyes closed! It's supposed to be a surprise! The threads were soft and sticky and held you firm. You smiled nervously, your eyes peering helplessly into the dark. I bent down and gave your cock one very long lick from the base to the tip, making you moan. Pulling your ankles apart, I pushed you deeper into my webbing.
There!
I felt so proud, seeing you there, spread-eagled!
My hands worked between my legs, spinning more silk from my spinnerets, and I cast it on you, gluing you even more tightly as I danced around and around you. It was so lovely! It was like throwing tinsel on a Christmas tree! I was so occupied with what I was doing that I barely noticed until I was through that you were shaking and ordering me to stop, to tell you what I was doing to you.
Your demands sounded really pathetic. Did you notice that too? Isn't it so ironic? I mean, last time, I was the pathetic one!
You begged me to let you go. You told me not to do this, with no understanding. I crawled up into my beautiful web next to you and hugged you tightly in the darkness as if we were in a hammock on a cool summer night. Smiling angelically, I cradled your head in my arms and stroked your beautiful blonde hair, rubbing your bare legs with the smooth white skin above the tops of my thigh highs. I kissed your face and licked the sweat from your brow and cooed soothing little words of love.
Mostly, I whispered about how much I love you.
Sometimes you just can't wait for somebody to realize how much they love you back. That's what the weak ones do. I'm not weak anymore, John. When you were the strong one and I was the weak one you abused me. You knew I liked it but that didn't excuse it. The funny thing is, John, I would have stayed that way for you if it had worked, and if it would have made you keep me. But it didn't. Instead you used me up.
Please, you begged me. Paula, I do love you! I always did. I made a mistake. I've made so many! You began to cry from your sudden sense of fear, and my mind exploded at the sight of your tears, gleaming in the shadowy darkness. I could smell their salty wetness, saltier and sweeter even than your sperm that I hungered for, and I eagerly licked them off your face. Do you know you made me addicted to the taste of your bodily fluids, John? I could see and even hear every vein and artery in your body that was pumping fluid from one place to another. I was so thirsty!!!!!
Please don't kill me! you asked.
I'm not sure why but it really shocked me that you would even ask me that. I hauled off and slapped your face, again and again, snarling, John! I don't want to kill you! I want to keep you alive as long as I possibly can! And then I felt sad as I thought ahead to the agony that you would endure. I shook myself.
For I was changing even more, you see.
By tossing and turning you got yourself all caught in my sticky spider silk and I had to patiently lick it out of your hair and dissolve it with my special enzymes. You cringed and whimpered at my kisses. I asked you why, and you told me, it was because my tongue felt strange. Well, I guess it is much longer and slippery now. I pecked your lips and I asked you, is that so bad? Be good. I know that you like it. I glued your head more tightly with more of my special silk so that you wouldn't squirm and get yourself all natty and then I kissed you deep, even though you pretended to resist. There was something about the way you shook our silky love nest that turned me on tremendously.
It made me hungry too. I tried to resist it but the taste and smell of your skin fascinated me! I licked a trail down your body to your penis, which became hard again. Don't you want my mouth? I asked you, as I licked your shaft from the base to the tip. You whimpered no! But your penis told the truth, rising under my flickering tongue and stroking fingers.
Oh John, were you afraid that I was going to bite you? Yes, I did feel the urge to bite, but I fought it. You were right. Your cock is precious... but only because it belongs to me.
I licked the tip several times, watching it grow larger, hearing the throbbing of your heart through the tender and tasty flesh. And then I opened my mouth, taking in just the head, and I gently sucked on it, swirling my tongue. I was so turned on that my nipples hurt as they brushed against your tightly bound legs.
I looked up at you with your cock in my mouth. Could you see my eyes shining in the dark? They shined with love! I really wanted you to enjoy this! John, I always loved doing this to you!
I rolled my eyes back in my head and plunged down onto your cock, all the way, massaging you with the flexible and spongy parts of my reorganized mouth and throat. You groaned, out loud, and I felt so pleased!
Your cock leaked traces of your cum, and the taste drove me insane. It made me salivate and suck you more passionately, pumping you with my hands as if I was milking you. The soft wet squishy sounds reverberated inside my skull with each wet thrust into my insatiable mouth. That and the loud throbbing of your heart through the veins of your cock all combined to arouse the growing, anxious appetite that consumed me.
I have to stop! I thought. I don't want to waste his seed this way! But I couldn’t. The hunger was too great and far too urgent. I heard you make those sounds so familiar to me. By the tensing of your stomach muscles, I could tell that you would ejaculate very soon, but I couldn't stop sucking you because I was just so hungry, dammit!! I was hungry and thirsty for you and I hadn't had the taste of you in so long!
And then you were there, and -- oh yes! -- you were cumming for me! I moaned as I tasted you once more, so liquid and rich and lovely, my eyes rolled back in my head, sucking and swallowing your love, my mouth extended out unnaturally and hollowed like a funnel.
I fell back, swooning, gasping, licking my lips, slurping the last stray drops of you. It had been so long and I missed the taste and smell of you so bad, and I missed it so much! You gasped, out of breath from your orgasm. For a moment I felt like nothing had ever happened to come between us, that the intervening weeks had only been a bad dream, and that we were back together again, like always. I felt excited! Agitated. My skin felt close to bursting at the seams. And suddenly I was worried...
... Because I realized that it really was bursting.
As we cuddled tightly, you felt all that stuff moving inside of me and you shuddered and cried out.
Uh oh...
It was like a seam opened down the side of my body and something black and wet spilled forth.
Paula, what's happening???????
Oh well, at least it got your mind off of your problems for a minute!
I told you, John, I'm a changed woman. As I struggled for words to explain, the soft skin that you used to love broke completely open, leaving me bare and exposed. I shook off the skin around my eight new eyes. I could see you even better in the dark. You were looking right and left, confused and blind. My many legs came forth, fragile and awkward like those of a new colt. My whole body was covered with a sleek and fine black fur.
Ummm... I guess I'm more changed than I thought, I told you, feeling embarassed.
You started to sound more hysterical and I tried to think of what to say...
The phone rang.
Oh poop.
I should have taken that off the hook! I stroked your face with one tender new feeler. This always happens at the best moments, doesn't it?
I crawled down from my web and managed to maneuver my growing shape out of the door and closed it. In the living room again, between rings, I could still hear Cradle playing on the stereo.
It was getting hard to move without knocking things over. I knocked the phone off the hook with one of my feelers and bent down to listen to it.
Hello, is this Paula?
Hello, I whispered. My voice was changing too. It was becoming high and whiny like the buzzing of a fly and I had to control it.
There was a pause on the other end and then a frightened voice asked, Is John there?
Sally? I asked. I couldn't believe she would have the nerve to call me at home!!!!! In anger, I stomped the floor with my many feet, making the furniture tremble.
Yes, it's me. Then she made a lame attempt to sound pissy as if she had a right to be mad at me. Is John there? Tell me the truth!!!
No, John is not here, I lied. There was another empty pause, and then I asked, why are you even calling me?
She broke into sobs then. I wanted to kill her and eat the flesh from her bones, but I still was curious what she had to say.
He left me! she finally choked out. I wheezed at her, oh, I'm so sorry, Sally. You know he did that to me, too.
I... I... thought that he might have gone back to you.
Well, I heard that you were the one that dumped him.
No! Oh why am I telling you this! She sighed. You know what he's like, she said.
Yes, I know exactly what he's like. It hurts, doesn't it? I asked. Please say yes, I thought.
Yes, she admitted, and then she really broke down.
I told her, go ahead and cry, Sally! Cry for all of us. John is such a great teacher. He teaches us how the world sucks. And we are his students. I have learned from him. Have you?
What... What do you mean?
I mean that there's no place in this world for weak lovers like you. Love is either weak or strong. You and I were both weak and he knew all about that equation. So what did he do to you? Did he destroy your heart so that nobody will ever be able to put it back together? Did he rape you and make you love it? Did he degrade you and make you wish for more? Did you know all this and hate yourself and wish that you could be something better?
Paula? You don't understand. I didn't know about you when we got involved.
I felt so torn! My mandibles worked back and forth as though they wanted to bite open her skull and suck the brains out, and yet... I felt that same sad feeling of loss, because I knew exactly where she was. Her heart ached the way mine did.
I listened as long as I could. My feelers began to ache. I finally said, Listen to me, Sally. You can be like you are now, the same way that I was. You can continue to hurt, or you can forget about him. Maybe you'll find somebody better...
Or you can change the way I did. You can make your heart so that you are the devourer of hearts.
I tried to explain some more but she just sounded more and more confused like she couldn't grasp the enormity of what I said.
She sobbed some more and kept interrupting me until she finally said, Paula? You sound disturbed. I can't talk anymore.
Then she hung up.
Just like that!
What a cunt!
I thought about dialing *67 so I could tell her that, but I guess while I was thinking about it I crushed the phone in my mandibles and ate it.
It tasted bitter and plastic.
I crawled back to my lair. I had grown enormous while on the phone and couldn't fit back through the doorway. I pushed and squeezed and finally got back into my room but I guess I broke the door hinges and part of the wall. Oh well. At least you could see again, with the light from the hall.
Were you glad to see me again, John? Your eyes must have adjusted quickly to the low light, because you screamed at me and clawed at the web that held you tightly. Poor John! I think it finally dawned on you just how much I really had changed!
What's the matter, John? Don't you like the New Me? I asked in my buzzy voice. I even posed for you, showing off my eight long fuzzy legs. What's the matter? I asked you, puzzled. You always liked my legs before! Well now I have four times as much to love! I watched in dismay as you mumbled gibberish and rolled your eyes around the room as if you didn't want to see me, and that hurt! It hurt my feelings so much! Look at me, dammit!
You did. You turned your eyes towards me and you managed to find your own scratchy voice. Paula, I don't know what you think I did to you.
I was really getting irritated. I jumped in the air, bouncing off the ceiling, and stomped the floor, shaking the building, and I screamed! I screamed in my shrill metallic voice almost too high to be heard:
This, John! This is what I think you did to me! This is what I have become because of you! Isn't it beautiful John? You don't think so? Well guess what? I think it is beautiful! I wagged my feeler in your face to emphasize my point.
My many eyes watched your face. You cried and those delicious tears were making me hungry again, oh so hungry! I could feel the spider parts of my personality overcoming the few remaining human parts and I had to control them. I wanted this to last! This was supposed to be such a special moment! I had to maintain control! Cold-blooded tears welled up and ran down the glossy black fur of my cheeks and legs. Somehow, I knew that this couldn't live up to my expectations
Why don't you love the New Me, John? You made me as surely as if you created me in a lab from decaying parts of dead souls. You gave birth to me! Am I a monster to you, now? I shrieked as I crept up the walls. You tried to reach as if to cover your ears but you could not move.
So what do you think now, John????
I felt the overwhelming urge to slice through your cranium and taste the rich meat of your brain, that it might finally tell me your secrets that I had wondered at so long.
You are the strange one to me, John. You love and yet you stop loving, and then you love again when it suits you. What is love to a creature like you, John? What kind of beast lives inside of you that hurts other people and then doesn't understand that same pain when it comes back to you? I knew I could squeeze and claw and torture you in all the right places and make you apologize to anything I had ever wanted to make you apologize for. I could make you tell me you loved me. I could make you beg me to be yours forever. And even more than all this I knew I could make you mean every word of it if I did it long enough and well enough in all the right tender places. But I was moving so far past that, so quickly! I felt these new and overwhelming urges that I didn't completely understand.
Yes, I was changing even more. When would it ever stop?
You see, there are just so many parts to a human personality, and as many parts as had died up until then, even more were dying by the second. They all screamed when they died, and I heard those screams in my head, and I sighed, wistful, pained to see them go.
But whatever is not useful must be jettisoned. In the same way you jettisoned me from your life, I was jettisoning parts of my soul. But I held onto the parts that I knew were really good.
And the best and the shiniest part of all that dark mess that used to be my soul was the love I felt for you. I always will, John! It shined through all that murk like a bright white diamond of purity and goodness. I clung to that diamond, as I clung to you!
I told you, John. I couldn't lose you! I wasn't worthy of your love before, but I am now, John. I still want you to love me back just as much as I love you. I've been brave for you. Be brave for me, now.
I crawled slowly up the wall and across the ceiling towards you, watching your stunned face below me. I felt wistful pity for you. I guess, sometimes things spiral out of our control even when we think we are most in control. Things just fly apart like a deck of cards thrown into the air. First it was just me, but now, it was everything. There was only one thing, one thing in the whole world, that still made sense to me, and that was that I had to have you.
I released from the ceiling, pirouetting slowly towards you on one of my silken strands that I spun out behind me. As I covered you with my heavy and throbbing abdomen, I whispered how much I loved you. Did it matter to you? I wanted it to, this final act of love. My feelers stroked your face gently and you seemed to calm down at moments. I do love you, John. Close your eyes. I rested my sluggish abdomen over your penis. It was soft and small, but I licked your face and exuded my richest pheromones as I told you, give it to me the way you know I like it, John. You mumbled no, no, no, but I could feel you hardening beneath me. You couldn't resist. Yes, John. I've missed this for so many weeks.
You closed your eyes, and I thought, are you thinking of the way I used to look when I was soft and fragile? You thought I was pretty then. You fought it but it was no use. Your penis pulsed and grew beneath me, hot and so very, very hard.
I pressed down gently, wiggled, and your now rigid penis slipped inside of my epigynal opening. I crooned and whispered to you how good it felt, and told you, fuck me now, John! Fuck me the way you used to before you thought you could leave me. I've been waiting for this moment.
Did you want me John? I know you did. Your hips jerked, pressing up into me, plunging your cock into my soft gooey center. I sighed, and moved with you, humping you with my large and soft thorax, coating our bodies with my ichorous secretions. My wet, throbbing insides massaged you, milking you irresistibly. Give me what I want, John!!!
I licked your face. The taste and smell of your fear and sweat drove me insane with lust.
Fill me with your sperm, John.
You thrashed beneath me, horny and helpless. You cried out to some God that never cared about creatures like me. You were almost there! I loved it! My mind whirled, caught up in the carnal animal ecstasy of it all! But it only accelerated the rapid decline of the remaining human parts of my soul, maddened as I was.
Do you remember the last time we fucked, John? I whispered-buzzed.
You groaned. Your hot white seed squirted inside my body cavity, rhythmically. As you gasped wide-eyed, as your body thrashed beneath me, I remembered back to that last encounter, so savage and sweet and passionate.
Do you remember when I bit you, right here?
And in a flash! I buried the sharp and dripping fangs of my new chelicerae bone-deep into your shoulder in the same spot where I bit you before, as we both convulsed in unholy ecstasy. I bit you the way I really wanted to bite you that painful day, long ago. Even as you cried out in ecstasy, even as your penis pumped me full of your precious pearly white venom, my fangs pumped you full of mine, bitter and toxic and full of months of pain and anger and despair and hatred of both you and me, the circuit complete now, bodily fluid to bodily fluid. Your cries of ecstasy changed into cries of wretched agony as my venom filled you and overflowed down your shoulders, mixed with your rich, red, tasty blood, covering us both.
The web shook with our convulsions, but it held, and when it was over, I lay with you, feeling you inside of me again, feeling peace, as you lay still beneath me.
Is he dead, I wondered?
I raised my heavy head, covered with your steaming blood, and looked in your cool blue eyes. I saw nothing there. They were wide open and still. The corners of your cheeks twitched occasionally. I knew I would feel remorse, but that would come later. All that there was now was sheer bliss and rest.
You don't seem to fight against the bonds of my silk very much anymore, John. I think you might have some nerve damage.
I was glad when I saw the brief flickers of life come back into your dead and glazed eyes. I've been talking to you for days, alone, depressed, missing you. I was afraid I might not get to talk to you even just one more time.
Were you in very much pain? I hope not. I've tried not to eat too much. My hunger is becoming too much to control. It's like that old saying, having your cake and eating it too. I guess I want to eat you and have you! I know, it's silly.
You mumbled something! I was immediately at your side, kissing you, petting you, trying to understand what you said. Your voice sounded so hoarse and weak.
Call you an ambulance? No. I told you I couldn't do that because I had an accident with the phone recently. Yeah, it's broken. In fact, I haven't called work in days! They probably fired me already! The thought just depressed me even more.
You tried to talk to me but I guess all I did was babble at you for quite awhile because I was so lonely and it had been so long. Really, I don't want to lose you, John. I dread that moment when I will become a widow, alone in this blackness forevermore. These last traces of humanity that I carry still feel tremendous pain. I wish they would just go away faster.
And then you asked me about the large white sac that lay next to us on the web, throbbing occasionally as something pushed and probed from inside the silken envelope. I said that's our egg sac, John. It's our future. Our babies! Could you sense my excitement? I unwrapped one of your weak and helpless hands and lay it on the side. You gasped. You looked up at me and you told me it scared you. It was warm and throbbing and there were noises coming from it. I told you yes, John, I know. They'll be hatching soon.
Hatching? you croaked out.
Yes. They will love their father just as I love you. I'll never stop loving you, John, even after all that I have left of you is the taste of you in my mouth.
I could feel the ragged beating of your weakening heart inside your body, and I cuddled you tightly.
Your heart belongs to me, John. Only to me!
I can't wait to have it.
I bet it tastes just like ice cream.
The End
