My (Untrue) New Year's Eve
(A 95% UNTRUE story)
(Only 5% of the following story is TRUE)
(Can you guess which parts?)
NOTE: THE FOLLOWING STORY IS FICTION. (ok?) :) (ok!)
For New Year's Eve we went to Tijuana Mexico. I really wanted my boyfriend Tevon to come, but life sucks, so I was stuck with Chris and my friend Sharon.
We parked on the American side of the border and took the bus to Avenida de Revolucion, where all the fun stuff happens.
Our first stop: the pharmacy! You can buy just about anything you want over the counter in Tijuana. It's really cool. Sharon had a big laundry list of stuff she wanted to take back with her. The guy behind the counter was ready to sell her just about anything but he balked when she got to the Ruhypnol. "No! No can sell!"
Sharon argued with him for a while. We sort of wandered around and got margaritas and popcorn while this was going on. Finally, we watched in amazement as she lifted her skirt up and flashed him! I couldn't believe it! I went over to ask what was going on. The pharmacist guy was on the cell phone saying something about Ruhypnol and "la puta Americana."
"What's going on, Sharon?"
"I told him I'd fuck him for rufies."
"Oh."
We got some more margaritas. Sharon went off in a back room and came back about ten minutes later, looking smug, with a big white bag full of drugs.
"Did he give you everything you wanted?"
She nodded. "Yup... and some Xanax and Darvon and birth control, too!"
"Wow!!!! What did you have to do for the Darvon?" I asked. She just ignored me because she was putting her lipstick back on.
Oh well... So now we were off to get drunk! The bar we went to was full of really cheezy looking whores (you don't KNOW what cheezy means until you go to Tijuana, trust me). We got fucked up doing shooters. Chris had never tried a rufie before and he was curious about it so he dropped one. We were all yelling at him for being so stupid, but he just grinned. Sharon took off her top and flashed everybody. I got so drunk all I could do was sort of stare at shiny objects with my mouth open.
I was getting so toasted I needed to go outside. Chris wasn't looking too good, either. He was just grinning and nodding his head no matter what anybody said. Sharon was mad that we were leaving her in there. Three Marines from San Diego were feeling her up and she felt like it was "ok" to do that as long as we were chaperoning her. I didn't care, I needed air!
So Chris and I went outside. Some grubby people came up and tried to sell us "gold" jewelry. I hated to say no to the little kids. Chris just leaned against the wall. A whore came up and was talking to him so I just ignored him for a while. It's not like we're attached or anything. A guy came buy selling churros. My stomach was feeling lousy so I bought one. It didn't help a lot.
Sharon came out looking for us while I was eating my churro. She had all her stuff back on but she was looking kind of messed up. She wanted to go to another bar. Then we looked for Chris.
Chris was laying on the ground about 10 yards away from us, his face nose down in his own vomit on the pavement. A bunch of Mexicans were standing around him, asking him questions that he couldn't answer because he was passed out. Then they started laughing and kicking him and stealing his wallet!
"Oh God, stop them!" Sharon exclaimed.
I couldn't help much because I barfed my churro. I was so out of it! All I could do was sort of watch them kick his ass and rob him and then walk away laughing. Sharon was mad at me because she thought it was MY JOB to watch Chris.
"He's your boyfriend!"
We went over and tried to help Chris. He was hard to wake up. Then I got this idea... maybe they were kicking him to wake him up? It made me feel better to think they might not have been trying to be hostile. I was going to kick him myself when Chris woke up and asked for more tequila. We picked him up and he just grinned like nothing happened. We went back into a bar and got him cleaned up and something to drink.
Sharon was even madder. "Who's going to pay for stuff now? They took all of Chris's money!"
"Don't you have some?" I could tell from her face that she did but she didn't want to admit it. I didn't have any, of course.
Just then one of the Marines came by and whispered in Sharon's ears, something about a donkey show. She got all excited. His friends wanted Sharon and me to come see this show but they didn't want to bring Chris along. Well, we insisted on Chris and they said ok, finally.
Well, we all piled into a Tijuana taxi! It was dented all over on four sides and the backseats only had cushions on the left. The right side was just springs. I sat up front. The Marines were all yelling "Donkey Show! Donkey Show! Donkey Show!" The taxi driver was nodding his head. "Ohhhh... El Burro!" He knew just where to take us. We all fell out in a pile in front of this little place that looked like some kind of abandoned store. There were no signs and the windows were all blacked out. We knocked on the door. Somebody peeked out and asked us for tickets from one of the Marines. Then we all sort of stumbled in gracefully.
It was so gross! Luckily, the Marines had brought their own tequila with them, and they shared it with me. Sharon gave me a rufie. I thought that was strange because she bitched Chris out so bad for taking one just an hour ago.
I was starting to feel kind of warm and toasty. Chris was starting to feel pain again. The Marine with the liquor bottle sat next to me. I was so out of it... I was just sitting there talking, and the next thing I know I was kissing him. I didn't even know him! Then while I'm realizing that, I notice, uh oh, my blouse is open. When I grasped that I realized, my boobs are hanging out, and somebody in the row in front of us is groping me! But I was feeling so good that I didn't care!
Then a filthy looking man and woman came out on stage. They played a little trumpet and beat a snare drum while they talked in Spanish and broken English about the wonderful donkey show, donkey this, donkey that. Then the Marines were saying, hey we got a volunteer! Before I knew what was going on, they were PUSHING me on stage!! My knees felt like total rubber and they had to carry me most of the way. They put me belly down in this kind of chair thing.
"What's happening?" I asked. I think it came out more like "Wofhofofuf?" That rufie really messed me up! Sharon was up there, stroking my hair and telling me to relax. They were taking off my clothes. She said it's ok, it's just like a backrub. Well, I like backrubs! I thought, hey, that's ok. The lights were so bright that I could hardly see anything except my own shadow. Then I felt them putting some kind of cream on my butt. It felt kind of cold. They started working it into my anus. God, that made me squirm. I said something like "Wofhofofuf?"
And then I heard this donkey braying somewhere behind me. I hope they aren't hurting that Donkey, I thought. I saw Chris in the back row. He was totally wide awake again and grinning from ear to ear. He waved at me. I tried to wave back at him, but that's when I passed out.
Oh well...
I sort of woke up on the ride home. I felt really weird! I totally slept through midnight and I never even got a New Year's Eve kiss!
THE END
ennui *ouch!* 01/03/99
(copyright 1999 ennui)